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| I get surprises every now and then when I access to my xanga account.
Recently, I find that more people are getting the idea to keep the blog
to ourselves. More like a diary but..it's an electronic one. It's a
good thing since..sometimes, it is not a good idea to let everyone know
of our inner thoughts. Who knows what the reaction might be?
Lately, I seem to have encounter or rather, seen many types of problems
occuring. One is of course with my academics. Trial is only a few days
away... However, this blogger
here hasn't lifted up a single book, not mentioning the amount of
things that she needs to revise for the upcoming examinations. Sigh.
Secondly, it's regarding love life. Although it is not my love life,
it's regarding a close friend of mine. I must say she's a companion, a
sister and a great friend indeed. And so, to see her in such a misery
brings lots of unhappiness to each and everyone of us as she is always
a bubbly girl. I hope things have been settled by now. It is becoming
more apparent that people are no longer truthful in relationship and
this very little lust of deceit within the relationship can just
shatter the union, be it a long or a short one. When a deception takes
place, faith will evaporate. There will no longer be trust between the
two. And, I also see how rumours spread can deject a person. Rumours
can ruin a friendship bond. Rumours can also bring many friends
together to support the party who is believed not to be at fault. It is
nice to see such magical moments of how people cuddle together and
trying to persuade one another..given that everyone has no blood
relationship whatsoever. It's wonderful. On the other hand, it is also
very saddening to see how vulnerable humans are to such a mini
substance called rumours.
I've been thinking...again.
My maiden school is encountering some problems. Wei brought up the word
contribution after telling me what Ms Sim mentioned in class. And I was
thinking. Again. What exactly are the contributions needed? The girls
need to be brainwashed? What mentality do they have being such cheap
girls..giving away their dignity for the sake of RM5 and apparently
doing a good thing by spreading the trial questions through handphones?
I remember asking Mrs Chan regarding the cell phone issue. This is the
liberty given to the students in my school and yet...they do not
appreciate. I remember whenever I brought my cell phone to school
(though I'm not supposed to), I do not use it openly. It has to be
discreet because we're going against the law. And yet, these students
spread the questions. Some said the questions do not leak from MGS but
from elsewhere. Sigh. Some parents from other school threaten to take
legal actions because of such minor things. Have they ever wondered,
their children themselves might be part of it? Being part of this
continuous self-destroying education system (for being in the rat race
to go after somethings that might not be what we thought it is), I
thought I have seen it all. I have never ever thought that students can
or are capable of doing such a thing. And now, the blame is on the
teachers. Again. I really pity the teachers. I remember one teacher
telling me that she has given up on the education system. And I also
remembered Mrs Chan, and her never-ending patience and passion for
education, who once said that time has changed and yet, behind her,
students are giving her names. Old hag etc. What is wrong with these
people?
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| I just have so much to write about and because blogger aint working right now, I have to find an alternative to just let go my feelings. It's been a long time since I last wrote something that personal and it's good that nobody actually visits this blog anymore.
I know I've always been quite a "kiasu" person myself and I know that I can recover from the failures I face but it's just not me to accept one failure just like that. It's also not me to give up in the middle of an examination and only to realise later that the questions are indeed very easy, I wouldn't say that language is the main cause I'm going down the hill right now. Part of me can't accept the fact. Perhaps all this while I've been in my own comfort zone where I've been in a secured ring within a community I know very well. I knew the very way to tackle questions, answer papers and perhaps that's why I couldn't accept the fact when I can't understand a thing.
Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe the fact that I'm under the government's scholarship makes me think that there is no stopping to revising, studying and maintaining the high score. I am very much like an injured bird grappling for help in the middle of an ocean...plunging on to the only branch floating along to nowhere. Add Maths has always been one of my favourite subjects and perhaps that's why I chose to pursue Actuarial Studies in tertiary education. But I've been very ignorant. What do I know about this course? Apart from the fact that this course is very hard, involves lots of analysing, might have something to do with insurance, it's about calculating risk, what else do I know? I'm being very, very ignorant. Jiunn Hau's right. I'm not suitable at all to do any course when I didn't bother to even look further into much details about what I am doing.
Being in Intec, perhaps initially, I've alot to complain about. Lecturers aint good etc. It's really getting much competitive. Sometimes, I just need to blame myself and nobody but myself for all that happens to me. Why? I am being very reluctant to participate in anything. Do you wanna join this? "No.." that's always my answer alongside with some reasons...which might seemed valid to others. I am what I made myself to be. I am unhappy because I choose to be unhappy. Why can't I just enjoy college life just like many others who did it? Why can't I just stay in hostel like the rest of them? Why can't I be like YSH or Yuhan or Yi Chin and make the best out of the two years here? Why?
Really depressing too when friends beginning to turn cold to me. I might be sensitive but maybe I'm not. Characters will unveil by itself when we know one another for a longer time. I might be someone who's not a very good friend in their pov. Sigh. I don't know. I tend to be avoidant when I get results that is undesirable. I tend to stay away from the rest because I didn't want to affect other's mood. But so much as to I want to stay away and be alone, I've already affect other people's mood. I can't do some questions. I can't understand what was being taught at times. I did my part. I did my assignments. I handed in things on time. I just can't seemed to put things into my mind.
KM talked to me. He's a very good buddy. He consoles, encourages, everything needed from a friend, he has it. Pillar of support for me I think. I appreciate that. I admire him both intellectually and socially. He's good in everything. He participates. He is active. He makes the best out of everything. But I just can't be KM. I can't be like him. what's wrong with me?
I dont feel like I am worth what I have now....
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| Please be informed that this blog will no longer be active beginning 03.08.2005. Kinda proceed to http://winter11.blogspot.com for more information  | | |
| Hi bloggy!
This morning, woke up at 800am then left my phone on the bed. Went on to have breakfast and read the newspaper. Didn't notice that my classmates actually messaged me to inform me that class cancelled from 400-600pm and will be held at 800-1000am instead!!!!  That time was already 850am. Quickly drove to college only to find out half the class not there either. Phew...anyway, supposed this lecturer is very good but then she's super strict. Just took out my phone because it was vibrating. Not even sending a sms. My mum called and she thought I was messaging. Told her my mum called. She said "I supposed that's nothing important. Please off your phone". ARGH....
Now, I'm in computer lab again printing my computer class notes! Due to the rush earlier this morning, I forgot to bring along any A4 papers to print!!! ARGH...... (again!) Luckily, my friends have extras so...have to get from them. Tonight will be staying back at the hostel.... | | |
| BORED BORED BORED!
I'm actually attending computing class now but it's really very very boring!  My lecturer is also another mc². Hehe. She keep hitting the wrong button when she's trying to explain to us. And today, of all things, we learn about Microsoft Excel! I'm zzzzzz...... away. Haha. Flooblebox not working again so I have no idea what's going on with my chatter boxie. Think there's not much difference...
Supposed to go MV today with Joann. Sigh. Gotta help dad and with this computing class ...sigh...I'm stuck in Shah Alam.
Everyone is getting busier each day while me...hehe..I'm so so so free! Even send bubble to disturb others!
Now..back to class... zzzzz....... | | |
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